Monday, February 14, 2011
Freeing m suffering
I struggle daily to free my sufferings. I struggle to not punish myself, I struggle with the idea of freedom, I struggle in this world, I am a tortured soul, I hate that I feel so much for humanity, and I hate that I can't change the world because I can't let myself go... . I can't say that when I chanted this passage i felt at ease and that everything is going to be OK with me but I have to try. I have to change my destructive nature and I can not let my darkness and shadows chase me forever, if I let that happen I will give up eventually and I will be lost forever. I wish I could end suffering from detaching myself from all the world but then why would I have such a gift to feel so much if I was meant to not live through it? I don't get it sometimes I don't get why I see and why I feel certain things so clearly and so naturally but I don't know how to use it for good and how to help people. I wish I did I wish I knew how to channel all this energy, love, and wisdom I have into a greater good, so that one day when I can rest I won't meet the creator or the spiritual being that gave me these gifts and have him laugh in my face because I didn't use my gifts to the fullest advantage and I help no one. That is a huge fear for me so this exercise did not bring my ease, it did not bring me comfort, it brought me stress and fear. The fear of failure, the fear of disappointment, the fear of rejection of myself. I fear the same fears but I still share the same dream to serve and to unite, so I hope my mind can rest one day and see the needless suffering cease. I hope to be a healer one day but first I must learn to trust and to be.
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What you don't see is how you do touch people's lives. Even across the screen of the computer, you have touched mine with your ability to share your experiences. I have learned from you. I, in turn, pass what I've learned onto others. It just spreads. You do more than you realize.
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ReplyDeleteRox
ReplyDeleteSister, I hear and feel you loud and clear. You are far from a failure. Let us start here, many of us feel so much for humanity that we wished we could do more or just die. I know I have cried many nights wondering what will become of us. But if indeed we do believe in the "Divine Plan" we know that even though we can not see all that is taking place that work in high places is guiding us and we will succeed. Much like everything it is a matter of perception. Please beloved sister know that you are doing your work and will continue to touch lives. I know you have touched mine. You are an amazing woman and you are still young, live your best life sister and I promise you will see the fruit of your labor and love!
Your Sister
Jamillah~
Thank you very much ladies, sometimes my emotions get to me and the energy I store, the sensation, the meanings, and the revealings are to much for me to handle alone. I appreciate your kind words, and honor your spirits and good intentions. I hope you both too continue to serve as I try too, Thank you for sharing this journey with me.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes,
Rox